UK study reveals marriage joys and regrets
MANY have heard of the seven-year itch, but it is the fifth year of marriage that is really the toughest, according to new UK research.
A British law firm's study of 2000 married people found the first year was described as a whirlwind of wedded bliss by most, while the third year of marriage was said to be the happiest of all as couples settle into a comfortable co-existence after ironing out any earlier issues.
However, just two years later, couples reported the fifth as the most difficult to get through, due to factors such as tiredness and exhaustion amid increasing workloads.
Those surveyed voted seven years to be "the wall" which, if scaled successfully, paves the way for a long, happy and lasting relationship.
One in 10 admitted "they didn't realise how hard" marriage would be and others confessed to suffering an emotional "comedown" after the high of their wedding day, with one in five admitting there are days when they regret the decision to get hitched completely.
Unbalanced sex drives, different hobbies or social preferences were found to provide stumbling blocks after the first few years.
The study found half of those questioned said their wedding day was the happiest of their life, but the warm glow appears to have quickly faded for many, with a third admitting the love in their marriage has reduced since the big day.
Amanda McAlister, family lawyer at Slater & Gordon, which carried out the research, said couples should not forget that a happy marriage takes effort.
"It's not very often that we see clients in those first few years of marriage but by the five-year mark or a couple of years after they have children we often have married couples asking us for advice," she said.
"The buzz of the first few years where everything is new is hard to maintain and often people find that married life hasn't lived up to their expectations."
From The Australian: Here.
Honestly, it’s my first time hearing about the “seven-year itch” thing. I really have no idea before about what “seven-year itch” is. It’s also my first time reading an article about marriage. It’s still so far for me. I always think that marriage is a beautiful thing. After marriage, I will be happy ever after with my husband. I will do a lot of fun activities with him, like travelling around the world, hunting nice food, buying groceries together, etc. I will have someone to rely on in life forever. But I guess, marriage is not as easy as what I think before. According to the article, the happiness will be last only in the early years. After that, I will start to feel the ups and downs of marriage life. After reading this article, I come to my sense. I surely will face problem in every step of life. In this case, I will face the problem in marriage life. In the article, it is mentioned that the fifth year of marriage is really the toughest, not the “seven-year itch” one. I will be careful then, and be prepared of what will happen.
ReplyDeleteIs there also a longer version of this article available? I think a lot of it makes sense and sounds plausible, but I wish there would be more detailed information about the statistics. For example: How old were the interviewed couples? What “social class” did they belong to? In what way did they take the “children factor” into account?
ReplyDelete“Unbalanced sex drives, different hobbies or social preferences were found to provide stumbling blocks after the first few years.” – Maybe it is not the fifth, but already the second or third year of marriage that is the toughest? Is there already a new tendency? In my point of view this article somehow just sounds to general.
However, it would be interesting to compare these findings to other countries or parts in the world, maybe Indonesia? Is there also a “seven-year itch” or like the article describes “a though fifth year” in Indonesian marriages?
"Is there also a longer version of this article available? I think a lot of it makes sense and sounds plausible, but I wish there would be more detailed information about the statistics. For example: How old were the interviewed couples? What “social class” did they belong to? In what way did they take the “children factor” into account?"
DeleteYour question ~ "Is there also a longer version of this article available?" ~ pricked my curiosity. It prompted me to investigate the story and what I found was quite interesting.
Take a look for yourself at this selection of links:
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/fifth-year-of-marriage-is-the-toughest-new-survey-29613485.html
http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/beware-the-five-year-itch.22273130
http://www.irishmirror.ie/female/sex-relationships/couples-most-likely-break-up-2312679
http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/s-best-year-marriage-Year-3-says-new-study/story-19850673-detail/story.html
http://www.clitheroeadvertiser.co.uk/news/national/marriage-joys-and-regrets-revealed-1-6089335
I can't find the actual study itself, so we cannot evaluate how scientific it was. All I find are these short articles apparently based on the same press release. No major newspaper in the UK picked up the story. I suspect that it's simply a rather well executed publicity 'stunt'. You'll note that the study was done by Slater & Gordon, a firm of lawyers who handle family law and divorce. They have succeeded in promoting the name of their firm ~ for free ~ in dozens of local newspapers across the UK. Their "study" may have been no more than sending out 2,000 e-mails to people on a mailing list and then writing something that sounds like common sense based on the "findings". In some versions of the story, you have the lawyer in charge of the study saying: "It's not very often that we see clients in those first few years of marriage but by the five year mark or a couple of years after they have children we often have married couples asking us for advice." Call me cynical, but I think this piece of "news" is nothing but a bit of clever marketing ~ conducted virtually without expense, unless the Press Association Ltd charged Slater & Gordon for the publicity.
My parents never married, but they have been together for over 25 years. I don't think that you can cancel out the "seven-year itch" or whatever other-year itch by never marrying, but maybe you could reduce the effects it has on you. Maybe you're not counting years in the same way if you don't marry, and maybe it's harder to feel "trapped", even though you're sharing your paycheck with eachother and own a house together. In my opinion marrying isn't a guarantee for a happy life together, at least not in the Western part of the world. It's probably a lot of work to get a divorce, but if the only reason a couple is staying together is because it is too much paperwork to split up, then I would say they stick together for the wrong reasons.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that should keep a couple together despite their differences I think should be children. This is of course unless the relationship is really unhealty. If the parents are fighting all the time, this will affect the children as well. Watching your parents fight is never fun.
"The only thing that should keep a couple together despite their differences I think should be children. This is of course unless the relationship is really unhealty. If the parents are fighting all the time, this will affect the children as well. Watching your parents fight is never fun."
DeleteI found the following advice here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201301/35-questions-and-thoughts-you-say-its-over
It's a kind of check list to help with splitting up!
~~35 Questions and Thoughts Before You Say, "It's Over"~~
The most important question to ask yourself is this: In your heart of hearts do you believe that he or she is the one and only?
If your answer is “I’m not sure” in fact you may be sure, but you are afraid to be alone. So ask again, “Is this person the one or just the one for now?
If he or she is the one for now, then read through all of these thoughts and decide how to proceed so that you do not end up being stalked or find yourself at the mercy of a raging, jilted lover.
Make a promise to yourself that you will wait one week before saying “It’s over” so that you can think about when you began to question the relationship; that is, what pushed you over the edge.
Before saying anything at all, write out the pros and cons of the relationship.
Consider something called “the weighted average.” What if you make a list of 10 positive qualities and only one negative. If the negative quality includes something such as severe addiction or abuse – that one trait outweighs all of the positive qualities.
Write out the 5 qualities about the other person that helped you to fall in love. Was it kindness, empathy, the ability to listen, generosity of spirit, honesty?
Write out at least 2 experiences that brought the two of you joy. Now ask yourself, “Can we find that place of happiness again?”
Review your notes and ask again, “Is it time to say, ‘Good-bye?’”
In a completely rational way ask yourself, “If he or she were to be breaking up with me, what are the words that I would want to hear?"
Start from a positive position—“We have shared happy times together.” Then name two or three.
Next state the reality—“Something is not working between us.”
Express your need—“I need to move on.”
Be willing to listen, calmly, to the other person’s reaction.
Continued...
DeleteDecide in advance not to argue. Do not try to counter angry words. Simply listen and say, “I know this is painful.”
Acknowledge how difficult is it to say the words, “It is over.” Explain briefly that you have considered your decision carefully.
Be firm. “I am not telling you this so that you will change, or do things differently. I am telling you this because I feel that this is the end of the road for us.”
Decide how to answer the other person when he or she says, “Couldn’t we give it another try? Can we go to counseling together? "
Giving it another try is often dependent upon conditions. First ask yourself how many times he or she has promised to “make things right.”
If you think the relationship can be salvaged and you love the other person, counseling might be a good idea.
If you can agree to counseling, go into the sessions with an open mind.
If you decide to see a therapist together, keep from trying to turn the session into a finger-pointing exercise with a laundry list of complaints.
If you seek therapy together be honest, but kind.
If therapy is out of the question, in saying, "It's over," be honest, but kind.
If your love asks if there is someone else, whether the answer is yes or no, consider saying: “This is not about another person, but about us. We are not working.”
Remind yourself that if there is someone else, the longer you keep that fact from your love, the longer it will take for both of you to heal. “When you know the truth, the truth will set you free.”
If there is someone else – infidelity might be a deal breaker or a wake-up call. Consider that leading therapists such as Michele Weiner-Davis and Dr. Ruth Westheimer know the benefits that couples can derive from therapy if they seriously want to save their relationship.
Be aware enough of your partner to know if he or she is the type who will benefit from you dragging out the good-bye or performing radical surgery—that is, “It’s over. No more discussion.”
Understand the consequences of a prolonged “Good-by.” It opens the door for one party doing a guilt trip on the other. It opens the door to manipulation. It opens the door to “victim” mode; that is, “How can you do this to me?”
Understand the hurt and anger the other person is going through.
At all times, remain calm.
Reassure the other person that he or she is someone with whom you have shared a great deal of joy, but now it is time to move on.
Before leaving recount at least two special moments that you shared together for which you will always be grateful.
He or she will say, “Then why can’t we try again?” This is the time to remain firm.
If you have made up your mind, your answer is simply this: “It’s over.”
‘The Seven-Year Itch’ is a classic movie that I’ve watched with my parents. The only reason it was memorable because it has the scene of Marlyn Monroe’s dress blown up then she held it down. Most souvenirs of her have this image printed on it. It’s too iconic to miss; you must know what I’m talking about. Anyways, did the saying came from the movie or was it the other way around? Supposedly, we’d make a decision between loving our partner for the rest of our lifes or stopping it right there due to reasons on our seven years of marriage. There’s a possibly that they were unfaithful, or they have conflicts they can’t overcome because of different personalities. But all that aside, does this apply to every married couple around the world? Because in different parts of the world there are norms and culture that influence our relationship. Not to mention, marriage between different nasionalism and beliefs. If a couple is going through the seven-year itch syndrome, they should work it out because they’ve made it through all these years and a few more years should do the trick. Hopefully.
ReplyDelete"[Does] this apply to every married couple around the world? Because in different parts of the world there are norms and culture that influence our relationship."
DeleteThere is certainly more pressure NOT to get divorced in some cultures compared to others.
Canada 14.5 years
Australia 14 years
U.K. 11.5 years
U.S. 8 years
I found these figures here: http://jdrury.hubpages.com/hub/The-Seven-Year-Itch-Is-It-Real
It would be interesting to find a more complete list.
Whoops. Sorry. That was a list of the average length of marriage in years according to those 4 countries.
DeleteHere is some information about a study conducted by Michigan University:
ReplyDeletehttp://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/7111
It includes some links to their study I think [I have to admit I haven't examined it closely yet]. It might be more "scientific" than the Slater & Gordon one.
Well, usually, there are many factors influencing married breakups, like having kids, work toughness, different ideas and visions and so on, and usually it happens in well-developed countries, where almost their citizens have a high paid salary. When they married, as long as time goes by, they forgot with their past time when they were in relationship. Personally, money doesn’t make us live happily forever. If someone didn’t married, merely live alone, granted he or she would become lonely. Maybe a relaxed sharing problems and finding solutions together will solve the problems; although this method isn’t always work. However, think first your purpose to marry. How about your kids? Why do you marry if you don’t want to have a kid maybe, will help clear the mess. Live together for long time isn’t easy. Therefore, commitment is needed for having long life married year. Differences are exist, just how we unite among them.
ReplyDelete"Well, usually, there are many factors influencing married breakups, like having kids, work toughness, different ideas and visions and so on, and usually it happens in well-developed countries, where almost their citizens have a high paid salary."
DeleteFinancial self-sufficiency is one thing which might make women feel able to divorce. In less developed countries, many women who would perhaps wish to separate from their husbands cannot do so for economic reasons. As women gain more education and economic power, the divorce rate tends to increase. Women are more able to escape from loveless or abusive marriages and choose to do so. This is why many westerners are unimpressed by people from less developed [and "old fashioned"] countries lecturing them on how the lower divorce rates are supposedly an indication of a more "moral" society, while higher rates in "the west" are an indication of a less"moral" society. India is a country with some of the highest rates of domestic violence and marital rape in the world. Ordinary Indian women have relatively little economic power and therefore face huge difficulties if they get divorced. So they endure what their culture condones. When Indian women gain more power and rights, the divorce rate will increase, and this will not be caused by the alleged "immorality" of modern Indian women. Instead it will be an understandable and justifiable response to the immoral behaviour of abusive husbands.
“As we grow older, things must change, including your friends. The older you are, the less of your friends are left over. That’s why people get married” I've ever heard that words from someone, and I agree with that. When we were in high school, we had so many friends, but after we go to college, everyone concerned about themselves, that’s why we need someone which is bound. Marriage is something that’s really sacred, so we should think wisely before deciding to get married. The Article is about the marriage life, we will feel the “happily ever after” in the beginning years and after that we’ll feel the real life of marriage, especially in the seven itch of marriage. There are some causes that break the marriage such as money, unfaithful and conflicts which can’t be solved. Actually I don’t even know about marriage life because I haven’t felt it, but this article warn me about the marriage life. I should think wisely before get married and stick together with my future husband to overcome every storms that may come.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my 20s, I used to know a couple ~ Angus and Annie ~ who had lived together as common law man and wife for seven years. Rather like the lyric in the Joni Mitchell song "My Old Man" [here: http://ewsiup2013.blogspot.com/2013/09/three-tunes-no1.html] they firmly believed they didn't need a "piece of paper from the city hall keeping [them] tied and true". They were not religious people either. They were known to be a happy couple and proud of their non-married marital status. Then, one day, they suddenly announced to their friends that they were going to get married. We were all a bit puzzled by this unexpected move. They explained that, after seven years of being together, they had decided to make a firm commitment and to make it in public in front of all their friends. All these friends wished them well and enjoyed the wedding party. Less than a year later, Angus and Annie were divorced.
ReplyDeleteContributing to Tobi’s and Adrian’s findings, I think this is a panel study conducted on only 10 couples (quotation P5: One in 10 admitted […]).I am not sure if 20 people as the sample size are enough to represent the whole UK.
ReplyDeleteIn my personal opinion, the “7 year itch” has to do with the evolution and the character of the human being. Following the findings of Charles Darwin and its evolution theory, the human being belongs to the order of the primates and therefore always seeks for the best possible partner (Adam Smith: profit maximization). It COULD be that after a few years the partners are in the mood to check if there’s a better deal to make or also just want to find out how much their own “market value” still is. This is just a matter of curiosity, might not be influenced by the partner, and could be found out after a short conversation, so-called “flirt”. The partners need to find out if they once did the right decision and might, in the end, arrive both at the same result.
I also very much like the comment of Zane. Of course, a divorce could also be motivated by a different development of the character, the person's goals, and convictions.
"Contributing to Tobi’s and Adrian’s findings, I think this is a panel study conducted on only 10 couples (quotation P5: One in 10 admitted […]).I am not sure if 20 people as the sample size are enough to represent the whole UK."
DeleteIt is not very scientific if the sample is so miniscule. It is a bit of pop journalism based on a bit of pop science!
To be honest, despite all the news regarding divorces, I still believe that being married would make a couple completely happy and that being in a family (having a wife and children) would be the best thing ever. Though I haven’t heard of ‘the seven-year itch’ before, but I do know how unsuccessful and harsh some marriages could be.
ReplyDeleteI believe that divorces happen due to economical problems, relationship issues (affairs) or maybe they just don’t click. In my opinion (though I completely don’t know whether its true or not), if the couple has been dating for a long time before marriage, the chances of divorcing would decrease. By dating each other for a long time, they would have known every flaw and everything (hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc.) about each other, thus when they get married they would be able to understand each other better.
Well I just hope that my previous ‘prediction’ would turn out to be true and that my future marriage wouldn’t be ruined by the seven-year itch or any other itches.
Almost all little girls dream of the perfect wedding in white and the „happily ever after” is expected to be self-evident. Often this wish doesn’t become more realistic over time. Some people obviously really need a marriage to wake up. As it is already mentioned in the article, “[…] people [often] find that married life hasn’t lived up to their expectations.” But what do these people actually expect? Maybe life is great and interesting in the beginning because everything is new and it seems that the goal of getting married with the beloved partner is finally achieved. But in the pink colored imagination of love-struck people, couples tend to forget that a partnership is also a lot of work.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is (or should be) a lifelong promise to work on one’s partnership, together with the respective partner. But who can promise something that concerns his complete future and all aspects of his further life without knowing what this future life will bring? When I checked some statistics regarding marriages and divorces in Germany, I found that the number of marriages has decreased by almost 50% from 1950 (750,000 marriages) to 2012 (387,000 marriages). At the same time, the divorce rate has increased by around 112% from 1950 (around 85,000 divorces) to 2012 (around 180,000 divorces). So why is that? I think this development can be explained by the social change. Earlier, marriage was mainly a purpose for providing lifelong financial security. Nowadays, as women are more independent and generally don’t rely anymore on the money of their husband, marriage is rather a result of romantic ambitions. However, when these romantic feelings are gone and more and more problems occur, couples finally face the reality and the deception that goes along with it. Therefore it is not surprising that every second marriage gets divorced (in Germany). Obviously there is only a fifty-fifty chance that marriage results in a life-long companionship. Seems like one could also play roulette in a casino or just throw a coin - this would have the same probability of success or failure.
I can understand why so many people are fond of the idea of marriage (except for the advantage of income splitting). Having the security to always have someone beside you can be very reassuring. But I think that you don’t need a marriage to achieve this. People can live happily together in a partnership without a public testimony symbolized by a ring or a paper. Maybe it is even marriage itself that leads to the break-up of a partnership since people are creating restrictions through the social pressure resulting from the wedding. There is also the danger of seeing the respective partner as self-evident as the ring or contract provides the delusive security that the partner will stay with you. Maybe he does because a divorce is too costly. But then I agree with Erik, that the couple in this case is staying together for the wrong reason. Anyway, this is a quite skeptical point of view regarding marriage and I know that there are also a lot of couples who have married long time ago and are still happy today. My parents are one example. And regarding the “seven-year itch” they used a trick: They only married after being together for already seven years.
This was a very interesting post. Thank you.
DeleteMarriage takes a lot of effort, sacrifices, and commitment. The moment you leave the altar is the beginning of your “marriage life”. Not only after saying each other’s vow, but the effort is needed since the beginning of your relationship. And if you regret what you have started, don’t you ever think about efforts you made when proposing someone?
ReplyDeleteAfter you marry someone, you have to be responsible too. It means that you start a new phase of life with someone you’re willing to spend your life with. And while spending your life together with your partner, you will go through happy and difficult times. This “Seven-year-itch” is one of the examples.
There are reasons why a couple choose to split up, and I often hear it’s because of “I didn't know that it will be this hard, living your life with person you thought were the best for you, but it turned out to be… not what you expected to be true.”. My grandmother said that it’s hard for the first 10 years, but because my grandma and grandpa trust and responsible to each other, their marriage is still bonding strongly until today.
Do not start “living” any commitment if you feel you won’t be able to go through it, be responsible for what you chose, and give your best in your relationship, I’m sure it will work out somehow.
My mother, aunt, and grandma have ever told me before about how hard is the first few years of marriage for a couple. Each one of them have experienced it as well. To begin a new stage of sharing life with your partner must be taking time to adjust. True that it’s tough. Being married means you accept to hold a commitment and responsible of the person you love. Marriage is not only such a formality under the government’s rule to saying the vow and sign your name in a legal piece of paper to legally able calling someone as your wife or husband. It can’t guarantee you to have an everlasting marriage because you’ve been dating him or her for many years. I once have a neighbor, they dated for eight years but their marriage was only lasting in four years and now they are already separated. Many stories I heard, finance has always being a major problem for a couple who are just got married. Moreover if you have babies or kids to raise, you certainly need more money. It all takes a lot of efforts to finally being happy. I think, a couple should stick on a phrase: after a hurricane comes a rainbow.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be different Indonesia, why? First of all, in Indonesia when people get divorced, people will think different from the facts and they will think badly of them. It happened when my uncle got divorced. People judged and speculated about his relationship, when most of them weren't even close to true. The second is because the culture here in Indonesia. I mean that divorced in here is not a common thing that happens to couples. Basically, we are expected to hold on to our relationship as long as possible. In Islam our God don't like divorces, I think others think the same. It isn't encountered as a sin, but in the Al-Quran it stated that divorce is what God hates most. In my opinion, when a couple has been in a relationship long enough to really get know each other in personal things, they will reduced the chance of getting divorced.
ReplyDeleteAccording to the article written above, i can sum up that what makes a married life gets harder and depressing is the tiredness and exhaustion of going through ups and downs with each other but I think it all depends on how a couple lives their married life, a couple is like a team. In order to make a good teamwork, when one of them is down then the other one has to pull him up and vice versa. Some couple really do have different way of living their married life. For example, some married couples prefer to live separately so they can minimize the fights and stress less, they meet up with each other when they want to have lunch together, walking around a city park, having dinner, spending a quality time on Saturday night, etc. Some people disagree that kind of married life because they think that a couple needs to go through everything together. I think the choice depends on how the couple is. However, I respect both of the ways because not everyone is the same so they can choose how to live their own married life with their partner. I personally think that when you stress a lot, the negative ‘energy’ affects your partner too. So, we have to be more selfless to make a happier married life. After all, we all have to find someone who’s willing to work it out and put up with us. Find someone who always makes you feel loved in anyway because you know you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I heard about ‘the seven year itch’ and because of this article I just know that there will be a time when married couple will be bored. Well, sometimes I heard that the first year of marriage life is the toughest one, they cannot do everything like before and must behave like marriage person and must be more responsible about their self and their partner. However, I hardly understand why the fifth year of their married life must be the thought circumstances. My mom once has said that child is the important reason why marriage life stands still. Nevertheless there still many cases that they even do not consider their child mental if they divorced. My mom and dad rarely tell about their self so I do not know how hard marriage life is. Until today, as long as I can remember, I never see my parents fight with each other although they never celebrate their anniversary.
ReplyDeleteTo tell you the truth, this is the first time that I’ve ever heard about the whole “seven-year itch” and I’m surprised that many people considering their first five year of marriage as the toughest. I used to think that marriage will be like “the happily ever after” for every girl, but I have to admit that now it doesn’t seem like that anymore. When I was in elementary school, my parents fought a lot, even though they tried to hide it from their daughters. I know that whenever my parents fought they won’t talk to each other and only talk when their daughters are around. From what I’ve seen with my parents, I think that the hardest part of marriage will be the first ten years, because after that married couple should already understand each other and can control their ego and emotions for the sake of their children and family.
ReplyDeleteEverybody has been telling me that marriage life is completely different than the life before it. I do know that it's different. Starting a new phase of your life. Like living together in a same house with your new spouse, new responsibilities, works, children, and of course new payments. But I think it's more complicated than that. Something really does make marriage life different, just can't figure out what it is yet.
ReplyDeleteWell my dad and my mom got divorced on their fourth year of marriage. So I think I'm going to agree with the five-year itch. They couldn't even reach the fifth year, haha. It is hard and I never blame them for the divorce. But I think that as a parent, couple shouldn't only think about their problems, they have to think about their children life as well. Because it's not that easy to live with a divorced parents.
I do wonder about one thing. If you were in a very long relationship before it, would it be an advantage or disadvantage? Because one thing, you will know your partner really well so it's easy to adjust with all the new conditions. But wouldn't it be boring? Because you already together for so many years even before the marriage.
This is actually a very interesting study and it’s a fact that people actually constantly change time by time. Before someone gets married, his life was completely different with his life after getting married, because then it’s not only ‘his’ life but also his wife’s life. Often it’s not easy for people to adapt the change. Some people might think that their life won’t really change after marriage because they actually haven’t felt it. They will feel it once they are already married.
ReplyDeleteAs people constantly change time by time, a married couple also has changes. It’s possible that before the marriage they share the same hobby or interest. As the time goes by, they no longer share the same hobby or interest again. And since the day someone enters a marriage, every problem he faces is no longer his own problem, but it’s also a family problem. Now, can you imagine how many problems there’ll be if there are many family members? It’s a lot of problems. Those are the kind of things that people don’t expect to get when they enter marriage. But somehow it’s a good thing that people don’t expect that, because if everyone in the world really considers that kind of thing, then there won’t be any married couple exists in the world.
So, it’s actually normal to have problems in marriage, but the only thing that matter is whether they can get through it or not. Facing all the problems is a way to prove how committed they are to the marriage.
There is no such a perfect relationship in this world, I think. Every relationship must have a critical phase in which they feel bored and need to renew their feelings toward their partner. And, it’s not only happened in the seventh year of a marriage. It could be happened before or after. There are no exact times when it will be happened, but I believe it will happen in a relationship. Maybe some people said that it mostly happened in married life, when you are just in a relationship without ‘marriage’ bound it will be safer. But, I think there’s no difference. It will happen, believe it or not. And, the possibility to survive this critical phase isn’t depends on the marriage bound. It depends on how people face it.
ReplyDeleteAs Asian woman, I can’t imagine me in a relationship without marriage bound. I want to get married someday and have a family on my own. But, I respect people that choose not to get married and just be in a relationship like Oprah. I think that’s their own choice and I don’t have a point to disagree with that. And, for me, the main point in a relationship is a commitment. When you hold on the commitment it doesn’t matter whether you are in a marriage bound or not, whether you in your seventh year or not, because you’ll try everything to safe your relationship. So, the existence of your relationship is depends on you.
Call me an ignorant, but I think that people who are divorced or considering a divorce should really question themselves. Why did they get married if they didn't have enough commitment? Marriage is a huge step in life, and they should already know that before they even got married. It really takes a huge commitment to maintain the love in a household, especially during the first few years of marriage.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the exact experience of being married since I'm not married, but I have seen the effects of divorces on children. Children's life revolve around their parents a lot, to take away one of their parents would mean to take away a huge chunk of their life away. Children would feel a sense of loss and rejected, and also guilt; they would be worried if they caused the divorce. Children who experienced divorced parents would often have difficulties growing up, shouldering a lot of stress. This stress would often cause nightmares, retaliation and misbehaving, and unable to concentrate in class.
I am a million percent against divorces because in most cases, they real victims are the children. I couldn't even imagine losing one of my parents, especially through divorce.
This article might be useful for couples that are willing to get married. They can be prepared for “the seven-year itch”. I am not surprised that the first is “wedded bliss”; couples are probably still excited about the wedding and all of the new thing and new situations. The third year of marriage is the happiest for married couples, might be because they already sort things out that they didn’t know before years before. The third year is also the time when most married couples have child. Having children is what married couples usually want, isn’t it?
ReplyDeleteThis article said that based on the study, the fifth year is the most difficult to get through. This happened because as their child or children is growing up, more and more problems or issues would come along with it. This article also stated that if a married couple can pass through the fifth year of their marriage, it is most likely for the to last long in their relationship.
At first, I didn’t know what “the seven-year itch” means. I thought it’s about some diseases or something. But after I read the first paragraph, “the seven-year itch” means the first seven years of marriage. “It's not very often that we see clients in those first few years of marriage but by the five-year mark or a couple of years after they have children we often have married couples asking us for advice.” It’s confusing to me, because my family always been fine, we never had problems. My mom and my dad never argue or fight, which is good. And my brother and me always had been fine too. It’s sad to hear so many couples announcing their divorce. I don’t know what kind of problems they were facing, but I once heard an old quote, it says “We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away.” I felt like couples from older generation last longer than our generation. I don’t know why, but maybe we, the younger generation, should learn from them, how do they maintain their long lasting relationship. Thank you for reading.
ReplyDelete